take it easy

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 04:22:21 GMT

i have a new livejournal.
last time, i promise.

megan okey
add it

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 03:07:19 GMT

there's always fucking consequences for everything. even if it wasn't my fault. i was just involved with you and you pulled me into it. but i realized it was wrong right before it was too late. and ofcourse i'm having to deal with bullshit but oh well man. i don't care anymore.

it feels amazing leaving my job in a happy mood.
tomorrow: sleep late (for the first saturday in ages)! gram of white. cruz. work @ 5.

life really isn't too bad. and these little things you do keep making me smile, fuuuuck.

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:05:16 GMT

i'm never on the computer anymore. i need to find myself and experience all that i want and i'm not wasting anymore time on a fucking machine. arnold's drycleaners blows and i'm gonna try to get a job at mellow mushroom with megan. i'm in LOVE with wes and i think he's the only person that makes me feel complete anymore. and god, he makes me laugh so much. if you see me anywhere, i'm with him. we understand each other so well that it's almost unbelievable. i'm stuck in between with everything else. school, friends, and family. i feel like a new person and i think that's why i'm having trouble sorting things out. i'm not having too much trouble though.. life is never as bad as people make it seem. there's so much good in it and if i can notice it then everyone else can too. i just know it. merry christmas, because i probably won't be on any time before then. i guess that's it... being happy is worth the fight.

please don't act like i'm still so consumed in your life when really, i'm not. i'm so much better off without all that baggage (and you) and not to mention, way happier. and i promise you would be to if you could just let go and stop fucking pretending all the time. i don't care if you talk about me anymore. i'm just laid back about this whole situation to the point where i just don't give a fuck! infact it's not even a 'situation' anymore, atleast not for me. and i promise this is the last time you'll be hearing about it from me because none of it matters now. we all know who's honest and you don't have a very good record of being truthful : )

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 16:46:11 GMT

i feel like i just experienced a rebirth.
everything around me feels so new.

take me where the lights are low.

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 03:12:27 GMT

now that i'm happy & everything is as close to perfect as it could possibly get, i don't have anything to say. except the same things i keep updating with. it feels good to be able to trust someone. it feels good to step outside of my house & get the chills because it's finally winter. it feels good to be loved. it feels good to have a best friend that know's how to have a good time & has my back through anything. it feels good to be so comfortable with you & only you. it feels good to be hanging out with all my old friends and it feeling like old times. man, i don't know. everything is feeling good. i don't want anything to go wrong. i'm so happy.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 11:19:13 GMT

october 10th, 2006.

"i need someone to not give a fuck with me & just be laid back. someone who will have a good time with me & smile. someone to cuddle up with me in hoodies on these upcoming chilly days. someone to kiss my forehead and watch movies with me. someone who will give me space but assure me they know i'm still there. i hope you're right in front of me, because i don't like being alone anymore."

it didn't take near as long as i thought it would. you were right there in front of me for years. but it was worth the wait because you are perfect : )

&; it all came together.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 18:04:35 GMT

"i believe in the faith that grows and the four right chords can make me cry. when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alright."

i can't put into words how perfect this weekend has been for me. everything that i'm experiencing is like i'm back in the same place i was two years ago but i'm back with a better best friend, an amazing guy that i've felt comfortable with since freshman year (that hopefully won't fuck me over), new and old friends to hang out with, & the cold air. even though you hook up with people in the summer and get drunk at the beach and party all the time, it never compares to this. the winter time makes everything feel so much more meaningful. you just have to get over the good times that you've lost & what you can't have back. but for once, i feel like what i'm going through right now is what i'll be talking about next year. bud has made me feel incredible again & i haven't felt like this in a long time. to be so sure of liking someone that has motivation & is just a great person in general but will still have fun with me.. it's everything i need & want. samantha walton will always be my other half, even if we have our fucked up moments, we can overcome anything. i dare someone to fuck things up for me right now because i'm too happy to let any of you bring me down. from here on when you see megan okey, she's going to have a fucking smile on her face. and it's not going away any time soon, i can promise you that.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 13:58:14 GMT

"been dazed & confused for so long it's not true."

my life story. you made me so fucking bitter. no one compares.
sam & megan mayday have helped me so much. i just don't know what i'd do without both of them. suprisingly, i'm ready for school to start back tuesday. one more year of learning bullshit that i probably won't ever use in my life. one more year & i'm free. i am ready.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 21:48:13 GMT

& after all... you're my wonderwall.

020: i'd rather go with friends than go alone.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 14:50:26 GMT

i love sam & peepers. and all my other incredible friends. i love how peeper's hair is big & curly again. & how it reminds me of the peepers i first met. & i love how julie calls me & wakes me up & we decide to go to waffle house. all my friends complete my life. along with kimya dawson & the moldy peaches.

"see i stopped going to the places where the people act so nasty and pretentious. cause i'm happy sitting with my friends in sidewalk singing songs. and some people are still standing in the way of where i'm going. so i say please excuse me, step aside, or keep on moving. and i guess they sensed that my momentum meant that i was winning. but i'm only just beginning and i'd rather go with friends than go alone."

i have to work from 8-5 monday & tuesday.
i wish money grew on trees.

018: everything was beautiful & nothing hurt.

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 18:30:33 GMT

things have been looking up the past week.
i'm getting better.
blazed last night with peepers, cruz, & sam.
cruz left for atl this morning.
met a guy last night that i'd really like to hang with again.
might have failed english 3 due to absences,
hopefully i can get that all worked out on monday.
if i'm not a senior, i'm burning wkhs down.

stretch show tonight @ finley park.
mom's outta town for the weekend!
tonight should be interesting.
eee i wanna kiss someone!

edit: i need to stop pushing myself away from certain people.

017

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 03:37:32 GMT

just finished watching donnie darko.
that shit was intense. i liked it.

last night was one of those nights you'll always remember.
it was me, sam, cruz, & peepers chillin @ connies house.
oh & peeper's "triple threat" haaaaaaaa!
cruz is leaving for a couple months on saturday for atlanta.
even though we're jackass's to each other all the time, i'm gonna miss his crazy ass. i won't have anyone else to be a jackass to that'll actually take it as long as he does. YOU WILL BE MISSED NIGGA!

i think i'm getting my mom's jeep, i'm stoked.
new cell phone tomorrow, finally.
not to mention my 450$ paycheck : )

oh, & i'm getting megan maberry a job!

016: what it feels like to live again.

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 03:29:23 GMT

today was the best day i've had in a long time.
and i love sam, walt, mark, zack, cameron, charlie, anthony, & adam for making it amazing.

i got some helpful advice today:
"don't cling on to old memories because there's nothing else there at the moment for you to cling on to. just remember you were unhappy at that time & you'd be in the exact position you were in months ago if you didn't make the decision you made. things will get better, just give it time. you're young. be happy & beautiful. you have all the time in the world to experience life. don't focus on what you had, focus on what you can have. when you've hit rock bottom things can only look up. and most of all, don't give up on anything. in the end you'll just regret it."

things to look forward to:
beach with sam on friday.
florida with sam in the next couple weeks, to see mother fucking ADAM.
charlotte with megan maberry.
& not to mention spending time with incredible people.

today, i think my life turned around for the best : )

015

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 17:11:36 GMT

i swore i saw you picking flowers in our spot behind the school.
but you were not, it was a shadow. and i am sunlights fool. and even when i dream of statues, i can't help but see you. ignore these drawings & their colors, cause i am so confused.

and when i dream, i dream of sailboats. with masts that slice the sky. and they glide through the sliding water. raining joy as they go by. because theres nothing more impressing then pressing into your thigh. even though its accidental, its perfectly fine.

i want to hold you as my real self, not the one i give away. there is a pattern to this madness that cycles everyday. i cant help that i'm quite confusing when everything is gray. but i can cope with constant longing as long as I can stay.